There’s a particular brand of chaos that comes from trying to be everything and nothing at once – the kind where you’re simultaneously the main character and the harshest critic in your own coming-of-age film. Nxdia knows this dance intimately, and on ‘I Promise No One’s Watching’, they’ve turned that internal tug-of-war into alt-pop gold.
The Egyptian-Sudanese artist’s debut mixtape arrives like a diary that’s been set on fire and reassembled from the ashes – still readable, twice as revealing, and crackling with the energy of someone who’s decided that if you’re going to bare your soul, you might as well make it a party. It’s the sound of growing up in public while desperately trying to hide, of performing confidence while your insides are doing somersaults, of being watched by everyone except the person who matters most: yourself.
What makes ‘I Promise No One’s Watching’ so magnetic isn’t just its refusal to pick a lane (though the way Nxdia treats genre boundaries like gentle suggestions certainly helps). It’s the way it captures that specific vertigo of self-discovery – when you’re simultaneously terrified and exhilarated by who you’re becoming. Manchester-raised and now London-based Nxdia has crafted ten tracks that feel like intercepted transmissions from someone learning to broadcast on their own frequency.
This is pop music for anyone who’s ever felt like a walking contradiction – too much and not enough, desperate to be seen and terrified of being perceived. It’s messy and precise, vulnerable and armoured, a middle finger wrapped in a love letter. Most importantly, it’s proof that sometimes the best art comes from admitting you don’t have it all figured out – and then turning that uncertainty into something spectacular.
To celebrate its release, we’re making our latest Artist’s Guide this week’s cover for Dork’s New Music Friday edit PLAY, with the whole mixtape scattered throughout our choice of the best tracks out this Friday. Check out the hottest new sounds arriving this week, and read Nxdia’s take on their new collection in their own words.
FEEL ANYTHING
‘Feel Anything’ is a snapshot of a dark time for me last year, when I was really struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. I was having thoughts that felt parasitic, not part of me, but entwined with my brain. Scary things I’d never felt before – maybe naively wished I never would, if I’m being completely honest. When writing it, I wanted to show the different sides and roles that anxiety and depression played in my life at the time – I’d be stuck in my bed for days or completely not engaging if I had to leave the house and be a ‘functional’ human being. On the other hand, I’d swing into mania with these bursts of ‘energy’ where it was just chaos. I was trying to find myself again. I’d convinced myself those were ok periods, as if the impulsivity, heart palpitations and self-destructive behaviour weren’t obvious to everyone around me. It felt right for this to be the opening song on the mixtape/project because of the line “talked to Feebs about adult life on the balcony (smoking cigarettes).” It was the first time I’d talked to friends about what was going on, the weird mish-mash I was feeling. And the more friends I spoke to, the more I understood how many of us were in that place or had been in that place, which made me sad but made me feel so much less alone. Writing this song helped me understand a particularly tough period of my life.
JENNIFER’S BODY
‘Jennifer’s Body’ explores how we sometimes throw ourselves into toxic situations just for the chase. Even when we know it’s bad for us, the thrill of someone wanting you is addictive. It’s brutal, it’s strange, but it’s extremely human. And it’s one of my favourite films, and like the film, it’s about that dangerous hypnotic pull of wanting to be really seen, to be wanted by someone you’re obsessed with, but you know is bad for you, even if it means losing yourself in the process.
BOY CLOTHES
I wrote ‘Boy Clothes’ while going through the motions after my top surgery in November – I felt like I was finally screaming out everything I’d held in: the frustration, the envy, the fucking relief. It’s about the feeling and freedom of being in “boy clothes” – a newfound freedom, fresh carefree energy. But it also means so much more. It’s not just about the clothes you wear; it’s about living unapologetically, about taking up space and wearing whatever makes you feel incredible, whatever your “boy clothes” are because what the fuck are gender norms now anyway. It’s chaotic, it’s freeing – a lot like figuring yourself out. I made this song with Orlando and Danny, my babies; I absolutely adore them! We talk about everything, joke and bicker, and play games; it’s just super fun.
PUPPET
This song is about surrendering to the moment when you want someone so bad. When someone casts a spell on you like some witchcraft, and you just give in to it. It’s about coming into your sexuality and letting yourself go completely – it isn’t graceful, but it’s steamy and fun and electric!
SHE LIKES A BOY
I wrote ‘She Likes a Boy’ after I came across my old diaries and poems, from when I was like 13 or 14. The song haunted me for months; I was humming it under my breath, it snuck into my dreams, and all I kept repeating was “She likes a boy” over and over. It kind of felt like a letter to my younger self – to teen me who was confused with their heart aching in silence. Writing it helped me honour that version of me who didn’t have the words yet, who didn’t know where the feelings came from or what they meant. I took the time to look at myself and saw the versions it took to get to me today. I feel more like myself than ever, and it all happened while I wasn’t watching. Seeing how people have made it their own and have been sharing their stories, it’s become bigger than just my personal experience. It’s a reminder that even in the most isolating moments, we are less alone than we think and that there’s a universal shared experience and understanding. The song was also a turning point in my songwriting and really shaped the record – I started to feel brave enough to really open up and unapologetically look at and into myself.
NOTHING AT ALL
‘Nothing at All’ looks at how I’ve felt since I was a kid, like the world is so big, there’s so much to learn. It’s about the weird joy and absolute whimsy of not having it all figured out, of blind optimism. I absolutely love to collect random facts, but I’m always curious about everything and learning from anyone I meet. Admitting you don’t know what you’re doing is scary – but also freeing. There’s a strange joy in admitting you don’t have all the answers, a weight lifted when you’re not thinking, “Oh god, there’s so much I don’t know,” but “I have a lifetime of new things ahead of me, and that’s so fucking fun”.
BODY ON ME
I think this might be my favourite track on the mixtape. It’s me being a little shameless, cheeky, in love and completely in my feelings. It’s flirty on the surface, but underneath, it’s about being totally and intensely obsessed with someone. The kind of want and desire that makes your fingers shake, that consumes your every waking thought, and – who am I kidding? – the unconscious ones, too. When you want someone so much, it’s almost ridiculous but also so real! There’s humour in it too. It’s about building a secret bubble with someone where you can be your truest, your weirdest and your most sensual self – and you do not care who’s watching.
MORE!
It’s all about wanting someone so bad you can’t think of anything else, anyone else – you just want them there, you want them now, you want more of them – like magnets. I wanted to capture that dizzying rush of feeling that chemistry and immediately being drawn to them in such a primal way. Feeling like it could swallow you whole. Like a fever, keeping you up at night. You’re aching for their touch, their voice, their breath, the way they say your name, the way they look at you makes your world stop. And it’s ridiculously fun to perform live!
BOO, NEVERMIND
‘Boo, Nevermind’ is a big fat middle finger and a love letter at the same time. It’s what happens when you mix late-night existential dread with zero impulse control in a scene when people are doing a social dance and not being totally themselves. It’s about wanting to hear what everyone in the room really thinks, not a candied dance of cordial chit-chat – being over the performance of social interaction and wanting the mess of full transparency in those rooms. This is me being unfiltered, unhinged and chaotic. Figuring things out – with a mic, a cigarette, and very efficient crowd-shoving elbows.
TIN MAN
‘Tin Man’ is one of the most vulnerable songs I’ve ever written. It’s about my brain desperately trying not to let myself fall in love, even if my whole body is aching for it. It’s me trying to shut myself off from feeling anything, avoiding, running away. It’s weird feeling so aware of your flaws, knowing I’m this fearful avoidant mess in my head and trying to soft parent my instincts to run every time things get a bit too vulnerable, this fear that if someone gets to know me more, like really truly, they won’t want to know me at all. ‘Tin Man’ thought with his brain and not his heart, the hollowness, that detachment – his character felt like a great parallel and vessel to explain this through.
Nxdia’s mixtape ‘I Promise No One’s Watching’ is out now.
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