Dear Santa… Love, ‘The Bands’

We asked ‘The Bands’ what they want for Christmas. Turns out it’s mostly a new My Chemical Romance album.

Lambrini Girls

Dear Santa,

Fire ants

Bathtub filled with mayonnaise 

The total collapse of society in order to rebuild it from the rubble in order to dismantle late stage capitalism 

Bringing back Arson 

Fishless aquarium with kelp

Collab with the guy who sings ‘Rock and Roll McDonald’s’

Lambrini Girls branded toilets 

Learn karate

Lambrini Girls

NOAHFINNCE

Dear Santa,

This year I have been VERY good. Even GOODER than last year so I reckon I could up the intensity of my requests. 

To start off this year, I’d like it if we could STOP all the lies – a member of my extended family found out that the tooth fairy wasn’t real and that her parents had been lying to her for the 10 years she’d been alive. We Do Not Need To Keep Putting Children Through This. When I found all the notes my school nurse had written to the tooth fairy (because I managed to misplace 90% of the teeth I lost and needed the tooth fairy to know I wasn’t lying) in my mum’s makeup box I was distraught. I have a feeling you’re responsible for this sort of deception and I’d like to humbly request you quit it. Now. 

My second request would be for you to tell me straight up if My Chemical Romance are coming back for good or not. It’s been a few years since their dramatic return and it’s fine if they’re just doing the whole “reunion tour” thing, but I’d like to know if I should be tempering my expectations. 

And lastly, I’d like it if I could have a go on your little time control device or whatever it is you use that makes it possible for you to visit every child in the world on Christmas. I’m a very sleepy guy and I’d love to have a really long nap whenever I need one, and I doubt you’d really need it for the 364 days of the year you’re not in the sky. 

Lots of love,

NOAHFINNCE

STONE

Dear Santa,

There are many things that STONE would like this year, a helicopter, a speed boat, good pork crackling. But at the absolute top of the list is new music from yours truly. 

Love,

STONE

Crawlers

Dear Santa,

For Christmas, please can you get My Chemical Romance to drop a new album. We’ve waited long enough. We got the single. We got the tour. Where’s this new album? We understand it’s out of your control, but maybe you could swing by Gerard Way’s house on Christmas Eve and give him a little nudge. Also, whilst you’re there if you could throw our name in the hat to open for them on their next tour that’d be great! 

Whilst I got you here, how good are your elves at making drum mics? Do they make their own or are they capable of building sE microphones? We lost ours at a festival recently so a set of those would be fantastic. 

Thanks!

Love,

Crawlers

Taken from the December 2024 / January 2025 issue of Dork.